Grammy Lit 101

It always happens that the week I go without TV, something happens.  I’ve been looking forward to the Grammys not because I’ve even turned on the radio all that much this year (and only listened to U2’s How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb on a transatlantic flight because it was on the airplane radio).  Face it, folks, I’m living in a cave (a.k.a. apartment where all I do right now is work on my novel).  But the reason for tuning in this year — and actually paying attention — was the realization that you don’t actually have to be a musician to win a Grammy. 

Nope, there’a actually a spoken word category which refers not to spoken word-spoken word but rather to audio books.  Did you know that a former U.S. President is a past Grammy winner?  I myself don’t know if I could handle sitting through 900 pages of My Life (even in the library it was a rather tedious flip-through after awhile). But the Academy thought differently — or maybe nominee David Sedaris’s voice grated on their nerves, too. 

Anyway, this year’s Grammy goes once again to a public servant.  Senator Barak Obama’s Dreams From My Father beat out Al Franken, Garrison Keillor, Bob Dylan (whose audiobook of his autobio was read by Sean Penn) and George Carlin (who probably told Jesus to not bother bringing the pork chops to the Grammy after-party).  And there’s a spoken word category for the audience whose parents don’t let them near Carlin’s seven dirty words:  the 2006 winner for the children’s spoken word album is Thanks & Giving All Year Long (Marlo Thomas and Friends).  Marlo & Co kicked Winnie the Pooh’s ass, along with the sorry posteriors of Harry Potter, Everybody Doesn’t Want to Give a Spoken Word Grammy to Raymond, and Lemony Snicket. 

So how exactly do the powers that be evaluate spoken word entries?  What’s the nomination process here?  And most importantly, how the hell can anyone listen to Bill Clinton talk about his life for 900 pages?  (Shouldn’t they be giving him an Oscar for that?)  What is the artistic merit in nonfiction audiobooks, and how is it gauged? 

Since the Grammy board has gotten around to acknowledging the existence of rap and alternative music, maybe it would behoove them to open up the spoken word category to audio books of poetry — the artistic status of which would at least be less debatable. 

So…anyway.  These “spoken word” artists I missed last night.  Did Obama walk the carpet last night?  Did he field annoying questions from Joan and Melissa about his threads?  Did he get called up onstage at all during the “pre-televised” segment, or did he wait until the grand finale to sing along with the greats?  Was he the night’s surprise guest, reading a portion of his work while Elton John accompanied him on keyboard — or did they accord Al Franken that honor?

I say, give the Grammys an overhaul.  Create separate categories for the poets, champion more coverage for the nonmusical nominees, drag their literary butts out on the carpet for their tootsie moments in front of the cameras.  The party mix would be more interesting, awareness might even be increased a tad for the fine arts, and, if nothing else, the Best and Worst Dressed coverage would be more interesting to watch.